Today would have been my due date. Six months ago I found out that I had suffered a missed miscarriage and that my baby Nora had gone to Heaven.
I don't know that I will ever have a reason for why this happened. I have confidence in a great God who knew that this would happen and allowed it to happen in order that it bring Him glory. It is easy to blame myself for the loss and to plague myself with "If onlys". The truth is that I did everything in my power to protect and live my child. I ate organic and used organic and natural toiletries. I cut out caffeine. I took my prenatal vitamins. I exercised and rested. I read all the books and went to all the doctor's visits. I have to make the choice to stop blaming myself.
I choose to remember the miracle that is my first child. I was overjoyed to be a mom, and for the 13 weeks that I was pregnant, I felt like a nauseous superhero. God gave me that baby to love, and even though she left this Earth too early, I had a miracle inside of me. Because of her, I will be a better parent. Because of her, I am a better wife. Because of her, I have more love for the children and families I work with. Because of her, I am better.
Today was a sad day. I don't have a wrinkled baby in my arms. I don't have a decorated nursery or baby stuff around the house. And that's sad. I will always be sad. She will always be in my heart.
Thank you to all of you who have loved me throughout this. My family and friends have been so supportive and kind. I am truly blessed.
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